Dad of 2 refuses pleas of parents-in-law to be surrogate dad to ex-wife's 9-year-old son: 'I wasn't as good a father as they believed'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 12, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

A blended family is not necessarily a bad thing. In some cases, it can be an arrangement that works exceptionally well for everybody involved. However, the key factor in these success stories is the effort that gets put into them, and sadly, that is never going to be the case for every single example and when this kind of thing goes badly, there are always people, and usually kids, who suffer for it.

No matter what age somebody is or what role they play in the family unit, it can be uncomfortable to be forced into a role they didn't ask for or expect. Nonetheless, that is often exactly what happens in dysfunctional blended families, and it can lead to a lot of resentment when it is not handled properly. It is never comfortable to be stuck in the middle of this kind of scenario, but at the same time, there are instances where it shouldn't be happening in the first place.

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  • 01

    AITA for not wanting to provide anything for my children's half siblings?

    I (30m) have two kids (12f, 11m) with my ex and we share 50-50 custody and parenting time. Our breakup was acrimonious and we still hate each other. But we do try to keep that from our kids by being civil when they're around and the rest of the time we hardly ever speak or acknowledge each other. All communication outside of face to face is done via an app. She has four additional children. She has an 9 year old son with someone else. And she has a 6 year old daughter, 4 year old daughter and a
    via FeelingMeshlenn5341
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10528697600
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is how one dad felt when his ex's parents continually pressured him to take responsibility for her children with other partners. He and his ex shared her two oldest kids; she had two more kids with her current partner, and she had a middle child who had another father.

    His ex had previously hinted that she hoped he would provide all of her school-age children with the same, better-quality school supplies that he bought their shared kids, and then her parents began to pressure him about the issue too, with specific emphasis on the middle child with a different dad. 

    The dad refused, on the grounds that the other children were the responsibility of his ex and her husband, and not him. He wanted to know if he was being too selfish.

  • 03
    I have never purchased anything for my children's half siblings, nor have they ever asked to buy stuff for them with me or asked me to buy them anything. I have never spent time with their half siblings either. We do custody exchanges at a third party location and they go from one car to the other with minimal to no interaction between their mom and myself. My ex's parents have kept in touch with me over the years. Back when my ex's 9 year old was born her parents hinted that I should take him o
    via FeelingMeshlenn5341
  • 04
    I provide a lot of what my kids need and want. When it comes to school supplies and clothes I do it more frequently than their mom because the quality between what she can buy and what I can is different. Most of the school supplies are left in school so it's not a big concern of mine that she'll just take them for her other kids. But she did ask me about a year ago to buy more for ours and let her distribute them among her school aged kids. I told her I was her ex for a reason and it was on her
    via FeelingMeshlenn5341
  • 05
    The last time I saw them was at the end of May and they were letting me know they were disappointed and believed I wasn't as good of a father as they believed. And they said I am letting innocent kids suffer because of my ex's actions in our breakup and not teaching my kids better. I find this whole thing frustrating because I have two kids and I provide for my two kids. I didn't have more than I could provide for and we live a comfortable life. I don't feel like it should be on me to be respons
    via FeelingMeshlenn5341
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10528697856
    via A. C. (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07

    Commenters sympathized with the predicament for the dad and the kids.

    RecyclingOrganics Sounds like the grandparents will have to find a way to step up, seeing as they're so keen for the other four to have the same as your two. Also, who marries a man who rejects their existing children. Your ex sounds like she cares more about herself than her kid with no dad.
    via RecyclingOrganics
  • 08
    Feeling Meshlenn5341 OP It's possible she herself has some hard feelings toward her 8 year old and that's why she's okay with it happening.
    via FeelingMeshlenn5341
  • 09
    RecyclingOrganics That poor kid! Grandparents should definitely be supporting that kid, at least emotionally.
    via RecyclingOrganics
  • 10
    Summer TimeRedSea NTA at all. It's completly crazy to expect this from you. Tell them that if you are a "bad" dad for taking care of your children what is their opinion about their daughter who has 3 baby daddy and 5 kids letting her last husband being cold to the 8 year old? Tell them she needs to ask the person who bang her it's not your problem you need to save money for YOUR children.
    via SummerTimeRedSea
  • 11
    Visual-Lobster6625 Back when my ex's 8 year old was born her parents hinted that I should take him on as my own son because of the situation with his biological father. NTA - they should refocus their attention on the 8 year old's biological father and get him to provide child support. They can get court ordered child support, have his wages garnished, etc. I find her current husband most disgusting... the 8 year old lives with them full time, I'm assuming, and should be taken care of. He got in
    via Visual-Lobster6625
  • 12
    Possibility Artistic5 My heart breaks for that kid. He's clearly unloved and unwanted, and it sounds like someone lets him know that every day. OP should not provide for said child, but it would be good parenting to teach his kids to advocate for their brother to be treated well by the adults in the family, if only to teach them compassion and kindness. That poor kid is gonna be so messed up by this.
    via PossibilityArtistic5
  • 13
    bythebrook88 Why aren't the grandparents stepping up for their grandchildren instead of expecting people who are not related to do so? And who has 3 kids with someone who rejects their child? I would also be worried about OP's kids in that environment - they also are not this guy's kids.
    via bythebrook88
  • 14
    Due-Yoghurt4916 Tell your ex via app. If her parents keep showing more concern for her other kids and are willing to steal your kids resources you will need to have the custody arrangements looked at by the courts.
    via Due-Yoghurt4916
  • 15
    fleekyfreaky NTA, you're not responsible for her life choices except when it involves your children.
    via fleekyfreaky
  • 16
    Selfpsycho NTA, just respond with 'they aren't my family, if they need support from family, you do it as their grandparents'. Never changing the wording or inflection, just robotic repetition regardless of the comments they make.
    via Selfpsycho
  • 17
    BeachinLife1 Tell your ex's parents if they are so concerned THEY can provide for the other kids. Your ex should have stopped spitting out kids when she had as many as she could afford to support. And it's her own problem if her current husband refuses to support the 8 year old, he knew the kid existed when he met her, and she knew he was not going to support him when she married him. This is all on her and her crappy decision making. I think you need to go for full custody of your kids, and the
    via BeachinLife1
  • 18
    No_Cockroach4248 Your ex's parents can take part time jobs and pay for their grandchild. You are responsible for your kids, not your ex's bad decisions. NTA You might want to check your local laws on child support, particularly when it involves children that are not biologically yours. Let's say you start of by buying the kid school supplies, they (your ex or her parents) will push the boundary further and get you to take the kid when your kids are with you. Before you know it, your ex will plea
    via No_Cockroach4248
  • 19
    Ok_Homework_7621 Start documenting all of this, it's harmful for the kids. If she can't manage with all the kids she decided to have, maybe you should have more custody of the two you share. Sounds like it might be healthier for them anyway.
    via Ok_Homework_7621
  • 20
    NTA. ghostoftommyknocker What the grandparents are demanding isn't family values, it's exploitation. What they are really disappointed about is that they can't manipulate and buy you into being exploited as a resource for kids that have nothing to do with you. They're also disappointed that they can't manipulate or bu y your kids into being exploited to benefit their half-siblings at their (and your) expense. As to it being your children's job to advocate for their half-siblings, that's parentif
    via ghostoftommyknocker
  • 21
    pristine_vida That's insane, I have children by two dads, I'd never have expected this from either of them.. wow NTA
    via pristine_vida
  • 22
    khendr352 This is a situation where the grandparents/aunts/uncles should step up not the ex spouse. They are wrong. This is not your responsibility.
    via khendr352
  • 23
    Happyweekend69 NTA, it isn't your problem or fault their daughter decided to marry a man who only want to provide for kids he created himself, that's on their daughter for marrying a POS who apparently didn't realize when you marry someone with children they become your problem too. YOU have absolutely no reason to provide for kids that isn't yours or you married into. Maybe they should be grateful instead that you're such a good father to YOUR kids that you take some of the load off from their
    via Happyweekend69
  • 24
    Laughingfoxcreates NTA. The grandparents are welcome to buy them things. That's what grandparents are for. A quick way to shut this down would be to tell them that if your ex is struggling that hard you'll go ahead and help. out by petitioning the court for full custody. (Casually mentioning that in most places that means your ex will be responsible for child support.) let them know you'll be keeping any future communications to send to your lawyer. Let your ex know as well. That should shut the
    via Laughingfoxcreates

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